armageddon for the lost
by zero the aniti-hero
Summary: This is a story about two guys who have no idea where to go after the zombie apocalypse. So, they do what every other guy would do smash some zombie heads.


**Chapter one... "Where are we going?"**

In the beginning there was a guy whose brother knew a guys sister who knew a chick whose cousins sister knew a cops wife who knew a ninja's girlfriend who was really good in bed… your probably wondering why I'm telling you this well the thing is its really irrelevant to the story. Now the real story….

Once upon a time in Canada the Catholic Prime Minister Bob Sedwig the third, he had a dream a little similar to Hitler…. He wanted to make tea cozies, well obviously that never happened because he had chipmunks for hands. Your once again wondering why I'm telling you this… well he's a zombie… but we'll get back to him later… now we'll go to a place that's not even on the map and the school buys the generic's generic for lunch (pretty much flavored chalk) besides that it was a sunny day in the town and there stood two people Master fleet commodore Worthschild and Cornelius D. Wasserfall (we'll just call them Ike and ted its easier to remember).

Ike and ted walked through the halls of the school

"you know something's up with every one today" ted said

"yeah there not all blah today… there all Bl…" ike noted

"Bl?" ted asked

"its like Blah but with less enthusiasm" ike replied

they went to their first hour world history class when ted sat down the teacher walked over to him and screamed "BRAINS MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!" and ted freaked yelling back "AAAAAHHHHHH ANGRY ELMO!!!!" when the teacher reached for ted Ike said "Here ted use this conveniently placed shovel" after catching the shovel he swung it and with that swing he took the teachers head off.

After they calmed down a bit ted and Ike looked at each other and ted exclaimed "what the hell!?"

Ike shrugged and said "I dunnobut I got a car"

Ted smiled "good plan but please tell me you didn't park in the sophomore parking lot"

"what do you think I am an idiot" Ike said laughing

"you did didn't you

"yeah…"

"idiot"ted paused…. "to the car"

he ran out the door and ten seconds later he came back "don't go out there"

he said as ike looked for a weapon "how bout this " ike asked "that's a pop-tart" ted noted "oh" ike said eating it "try this" ted says tossing ike a croquet mallet "okay… Now TO THE CAR!!!!" as they ran through the school the smashed zombie faces left and right after that the got down stares the was a zombie teacher talking to a locker and the guys looked at each other and said "harshman" they both leaped at the zombie teacher of doom and beat her till there was just blood and guts "that for the pointless assignments" ike said and ted added" we'll I feel better what about you?"

"yeah" ike replied as they walked to the double doors and outside ted saw the zombies "holy sock puppet in a sausage factory" he exclaimed and ike added "wow"

"well here goes nothing" ted said pretending to cock the shovel and it makes a sound 'Chk-Chk' "damn things defective." He says banging it on a wall "okay lets go"

"well alright" ike said… and with that they skipped to the sophomore parking lot smashing zombie heads and out of no where Ike exclaimes " IK GLAK MA!" ted looks at him "dude seriously?" ike replied "well you get the cool phrases I wanted one too" "well we're here now" ted said as ike unlocked the doors and the both go in and locked them "hurry up start it " ted said "I'm trying" ike replied " Hurry!!" ' ted yelled

"I can't" ike says

"FINE" ted replied

Finally the car started and as they backed up a fat guy ran out behind them saying "take me with you!!!"…. then there was two loud thumps from under the car "what was that?" ted asked and ike replied "I don't know" as he turned on the radio and 'what is love' blared….

Ted sat on the passenger side sharpening the shovel handle to a spear point "where to now?" ted asked

"taco bell" ike replied

"Okay here's the plan we need to figure out what's going on" ike said

"that's an easy one… some how there was an outbreak of some messed up virus like the flu but it gets transferred by wound contact… and now we're gonna kill them." Ted explained

"oh" ike said dumbfounded by this theory he came up with.

They pulled around through the taco bell drive-thru and stated ordering "um we'd like 2 number twos a number six… uh and a number eleven" ike said and over the intercom a voice said "brains?" ike looked at ted "I don't want any brains what about you?" "nah I'm good" ted replied "no brains thank you" ike told the person on the other end of the intercom "brains!!!"

Ike now frustrated yelled "WE DON'T WANT ANY BRAINS!!!!.... oh crap zombie taco makers" so they pulled around and got out of the car and walked inside to see the zombies doing the thriller "what the hell" ted said as ike replied "yeah I know they're doing it al wrong. Its like this" ike demonstrated as ted smacked some zombies down and curb stomped them. And smashed the rest taking a few through a table. After ted smashed one last zombie he walked t ike and said "okay lets eat"

As they got finished eating they refilled their drinks and went out to the parking lot to see their car being stolen "wow we got jacked by zombies how does that make you feel ike"

"like a bitch" ike notes

"well now we need a new ride…" ted said thinking

"well if we do get a car it will need good gas mileage cuz I'm not paying for a lot of gas" ike complained

"dude every ones a zombie so gas is free" ted said laughing

"oh" ike said a bit mad at ted for laughing at him

"well we might as well start looking through nearby houses" ted said walking toward the first house he could find and kicked the door in walking inside and looking for a car key as he got one and walked to the garage and stopped there and he said "oh my god" as he pulled out his phone and played that song that just keeps singing hallelujah repetitively. It was his dream car a 1969 dodge charger as ike turned on the lights. "dude not cool" ted said

"sorry I couldn't see" ike replied


End file.
